Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
