hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
