party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Who did Billy Mays play for?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
