I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
