Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
