Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
