have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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