So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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