I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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