ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
