It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
