when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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