Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
