i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
