so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
