I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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