Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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