I wanna bring you to show and tell
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
