i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
