VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
