sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
