Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I believe in your delicious
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
