Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
