If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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