also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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