i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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