I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What a dumb baby whore.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
