It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize