he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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