I CAN MOONWALK!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it because I queefed?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
