i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
