debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
