I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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