He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
