Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
