actually, I'm a sock model
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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