she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A bitchslap is in order.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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