I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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