Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize