It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
