Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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