I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
