I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize