I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
These tits shall not be calmed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
