Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
