both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
