we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
