New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
