We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
