Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
