do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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