Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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