She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
