You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
