I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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