so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
