I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
