There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
