I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
