umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This is classic penis vs brain.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
