The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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