I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
what day is it and did you see me today?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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