You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize