He disabled his match.com account in front of me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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