When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
