So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you traded sex for a burrito?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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