it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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