just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
