we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
