i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
