he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
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