I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
