garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
