What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
